These are REAL search terms, and every single
one of them leads to my site. I am NOT making these up. And the way
they're spelled here is the way they were spelled in the original search
queries. Pure, unadulterated, serious search strings.
Search terms for a portion of one day -- 4 October 2005
Here's a nice bite-sized cross section of search terms used to find my
site. There were TEN hits that came from "female contortion human
knot images video". Is that one person repeatedly hitting my page off
ten separate searches? Or are there MANY PEOPLE who somehow are all
psychically linked to type in exactly that search term???
Can I make a request? Please stop looking for "Ethiopian
pussy", people. There's virtually no difference between pussies of
differing nationalities. All pussies are the same. Mostly. With one or two
minor differences. I'm sure if you lined up 100 Ethiopian beauties and
fucked them all, you'd notice that you tended to prefer a bunch of them,
and tended not to favour a different bunch. Just a hunch.
I want to say thank you to people visiting this site. I've recently
added Clicksor advertising to this blog, and within a month I earned
US$20!!! Thank you! That rocks!!!
I'd like to encourage as many of my visitors as possible to link to
this blog and drive even more traffic to the site. So please link here.
And I'll reciprocate.
Keywords / Page Views / % of total
1. female contortion human knot images video 10 18.87
2. ethiopian pussy 4 7.55
3. prostate milking cum 3 5.66
4. topless wife gallery posture collar 2 3.77
5. Sexy photos of Stacy Ferguson 2 3.77
6. sexy Dolly Parton photos 2 3.77
7. self licking contortionist 2 3.77
8. licking her own pussy 2 3.77
9. nude contortionist 2 3.77
10. dolly parton fake nude 2 3.77
11. girls milking their nipples 2 3.77
12. contortionist licks her own pussy 2 3.77
13. giantess swallowing people 1 1.89
14. ethiopian sex.com 1 1.89
15. the reef balloon fetish 1 1.89
16. bicycle fetish pics 1 1.89
17. greenside lawyer dating 1 1.89
18. contortion pussy 1 1.89
19. women licking their own pussy 1 1.89
20. kinky urethral catheter pictures stories 1 1.89
Search terms from 1 September to 18 September 2005
It's been a while since I looked at my stats. I thought that maybe
people had stopped searching for Ethiopian pussy or nude contortionists.
But nah. I was delusional. One good thing though is that "Roy
Blumenthal" (that's me) came up nine times as a search term!!! That
means that people are actually finding my site cos they're looking for
me!!! Welcome to those who actually DON'T want Ethiopian contortionists or
Dolly Parton's tits. Head over to Coffee-Shop
Schmuck, my blog.
Here's some good news. And a huge thank you to those people who click
through on ads on this page. I've earned a few cents over $20 from Adult
Friend Finder, and I'm about to hit $20 on Clicksor. Yay!!! Thank you!!!!
Please continue to click through!!!
In the meantime, enjoy the latest search terms. And ask yourself
why?????
Hokie dokie. In one month, people searched for me three times to find
my site. All the rest are below. Now let's face some facts, ladies and
gentlemen... if you're one of the people who contributed TWENTY-FOUR
searches using the term "licking her own pussy", you need help.
And the help you need is this... you need to hook up with like-minded
perverts.
Now please don't get me wrong. I'm a pervert too. And proudly so. What
I'm trying to get at is that you need to start dating people who share
your... uh... outlook on life, so to speak. Which is why I've affiliated
this site to ADULT
FRIEND FINDER. It's the biggest dating service for people into casual
sex and kink. You WILL find your match there.
Sign up
now for free, and I'll earn a dollar or so off that. Signing
up is free, so exercise your generosity. Sign
up now. Seriously.
Please do it.
I need the dollars to buy a butt plug.
For anyone who got to my site through innocent search terms, you've
gotta learn to broaden your vocabulary. See below for hints.
Have you signed
up to ADULT
FRIEND FINDER yet? For free. Please sign
up now. It costs you nothing, but it earns me a dollar or so. Funny
paradox, that, isn't it? You WILLLL meet someone you dig. I personally
guarantee it. So just do it... sign
up now. Thanks!
Updated 29 April 2005
This is just one day's worth of searches (29 April) that led to
Coffee-Shop Schmuck. In today's battle of the search terms, it's
"Contortion" 14 and "Prostate" 7! The winner, by a
decisive perverted knockout, is... Contortion in the blue corner!!!!
Congratulations! Go lick yourself. Don't break your neck, okay?
Total: 44
1. contortionist porn 4
2. ponygirl milking 3
3. ethiopian pussy 3
4. CONTORTION FLEX BABES 3
5. ethiopian Pussy 2
6. contortion-drawings 2
7. prostate milking pics 2
8. ethiopian girls nude photo 2
9. self licking contortionist 2
10. nipple stand pics 1
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Updated 14 March 2005
This month, so far, we've got a bumper crop of seriously delightful
search terms. I love this stuff. Out of a total of 519 searches, my name
has appeared a total of... count 'em... SIX TIMES!!!! Yeehaaa! That's a
remarkable 1% of people actually looking for ME! I'm touched. Thanks.
Let's NOT
count how many times "contortion" or some variant of that has
appeared though! Sheesh. Just cos I call myself a
"voice-contortionist" (that's a voice-over artist, if you're
wondering).
You may have noticed some adverts for http://adultfriendfinder.com
on my site.
Please click on them whenever you see them. I wanna make money off this
site. And DO sign up when you get to the site. You'll be satisfied. I know
you will. Hehehehehehehe.
And do check out my blog. It's Coffee-Shop
Schmuck. And you'll find some of my BDSM and polyamory adventures
detailed there.
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23. \"dolly parton nude\" 3
24. \"testicle photos\" 3
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26. mugg and bean harold 3
27. prostate milking fiction 3
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355. contortionist pics 1
356. nude contortion 1
357. \"topless wedding\" 1
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364. -race dwarfs -car -cars -porn fanta -snow 1
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Updated 26 February 2005:
This is a list of all the searches that led to Coffee-Shop Schmuck in
February so far. There would seem to be a load of people out in the
cybersphere who reallllllllllly wanna see some hot contortionist action.
Here's a business tip for free... learn how to contort, and give yourself
a good licking, and make tons of money! Go on! You can do it! Limber up
those limbs!
Total searches: 1 314
1. nude contortionist 73
2. nude contortion 58
3. contortion nude 39
4. contortionist nude 29
5. prostate milking 29
6. sonofsnake 29
7. catheter fetish 21
8. nipple pics 13
9. ethiopian pussy 13
10. erotic contortion 12
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37. protruding nipple pics 4
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40. sexy contortion 4
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50. nude Contortion 3
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Search terms used only on 11 February 2005
These are the search terms that led to Coffee-Shop Schmuck today. A total of 39, including repeats. Isn't this amazing? There isn't just ONE person doing a search for "nude flex girl". There are THREE people doing that search.
Look, here's the deal... there's a "comment" field below this entry. If you're one of the people using these amazing search terms, please please pretty please tell us what's going through your mind.
It's anonymous, so noone's gonna know who you are.
I'm not daring to suggest you might be slightly kinky. But IF you are... and that's a BIG IF!!!... you might just want to meet someone who shares your
predelictions. There are thousands of people who ARE a little on the wild side. And they're waiting to meet you at
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Updated 30 January 2005:
Here are the keywords used to find my site so far in January. The
number on the right of each term is how many times that particular term
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Okay. Own up. Who the heck searches for "gothic artist underwear magician"???
Why? Tell me why?? What are you expecting to find? Seriously! I've gotta
know what was in your head!
Total: 717 searches so far in January
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Updated 21 December 2004:
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Updated 6 December 2004:
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Updated 23 November 2004:
Okay. I'll bite. Who the hell is Sharon Reeds? And what does she look
like naked? And what the heck does she have to do with my site???
(Something I've noticed when I actually run some of the searches using
the search terms that lead here is this... Many times, the search leads
directly to this page! Which means we're getting caught in one of those
insane spirals. This page contains weird search terms. The weirdos USING
these search terms KEEP using those search terms, and keep coming to my
page. It's out of control, man!)
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To the person who searched for the Orgasm Command Anchor, here are some
thoughts.
It can't be done using hypnosis alone. It's a combination of
conditioning, NLP anchoring, AND hypnosis. It requires a willing subject,
and quite a lot of hard, hot, wet work between the two of you.
Oh yeah... it also helps if the woman is readily orgasmic. If it takes
a LOT of work for her to come, then that means there's extra hypnotic work
that needs to be done to lay the foundations for coming on command. This
is non-trivial, and you're best advised to be in touch with a trained
counsellor before you dabble too much. Can of worms, dude. Beware. You
could fuck things up between the two of you.
Use an anchor that involves as many senses as possible, and make sure
that it's not something that can be inadvertantly triggered in the wrong
setting. In other words, don't use a phrase like, "Come now!",
cos that has MANY other applications. Use something like a gesture, and a
phrase like, "The journey is now beginning and the steam train is
ready to blow." This is a phrase that you can whisper in her ear in a
restaurant, and if anyone overhears it, will be relatively innocent.
Couple this with a specific type of touch to her arm or shoulder, or ear,
or something like that, and you've got a goodie.
One of the guys in the BDSM group I attend monthly reported that he had
such a command for his girlfriend. And it worked wonderfully. They broke
up, and then bumped into each other three years later. They started
chatting, and he remembered the phrase. Said it to her. And blammo. She
came right then and there, just like old times.
I haven't yet implemented a post-hypnotic "come on command"
anchor... Karen and I stopped being boyfriend/girlfriend recently, so
we're not spending that much time together anymore. We're also only in the
beginning stages of working with hypnotic suggestion together, and this is
very advanced stuff. Requires huge levels of trust, both in each other as
humans, but also in the efficacy of hypnosis.
Good luck!
Updated 22 November 2004:
One thing I'm noticing is a recurring search string -- "nipple
stand". It's showing up many more times than I've included here... I
kinda got bored seeing it so many times. Come on people,
you don't need to be Dr Ruth to figure out what a nipple stand is!
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Updated 20 November 2004:
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