By Biltong

Sergeant Burley was frustrated.

Here he was, sitting checking MALP readings the scientists had downloaded to his computer, when everyone was away elsewhere doing interesting things for goodness sakes.

Usually he didn’t mind checking that everything on a planet was OK for whatever SG team Hammond sent there. He knew that his job was important, but still, there were limits, especially on superbowl night.

He shut his eyes, trying desperately to blot out the sounds of the excited crowd coming from the tiny TV that somebody had smuggled into the next room.

Shaking his head he called up the info on the latest planet to receive a friendly visit from a MALP.

PC5 9XL.

Hmm-nice place.

Frowning he concentrated on the sand samples the MALP had collected, tapping the mineral results into the dedicated program.

Hmm, nice place to get a tan...

Now for air samples...Interesting....

The scientists had red-flagged this section, meaning that they weren’t happy about something... His concentration was shattered when the crowd in the next room screamed.

Damn them, he needed peace and quiet.

The Captain had been way too lenient this time.

Pushing away from his desk with a disgusted air, he was unaware that his finger had lightly touched the enter button, the program automatically sending his incomplete results off. He was just about to close the door when his eye caught the TV screen.

No way. The scores were level. NO way.

Slowly, of his own violation, his feet found themselves in the other room, standing with his off duty colleges.

Ten minutes later he had completely forgotten about his unfinished survey......

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" Ah, a paradise planet."

Colonel Jack O’Neill turned to watch his team as they cautiously made their way down from the Stargate.

" A paradise planet?" Despite his studied impassability, Teal’c didn’t sound happy.

" I see merely the Stargate and a beach. A beach with tiny granules of sand that are endeavoring to get into my boots and make walking difficult."

O’Neill ignored him with studied nonchalance.

" Ah, come on people. This is the planet we’ve all been waiting for."

He looked around, his brown eyes bright.

" Sun, sand, sea. This looks like pictures that I‘ve seen of Tahiti. Enjoy it while you can, before the brass make this into an exclusive presidential holiday camp."

Major Samantha Carter smiled. O’Neill’s enthusiasm was catching and she felt herself beginning to loosen up. The last couple of missions had been rough, and they deserved to find something good. And this did indeed look good.

She was interrupted by a sneeze from Daniel.

" Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel, don’t tell me that you are allergic to beaches too?"

She smiled at the disgusted tone in Jack’s voice.

Gazing around herself, she waited for his reply.

" Sorry, Jack. There seems to be something in the air that I don’t like."

He made pathetic sniffling sounds and honked into an enormous handkerchief.

Then she saw it.

" Sir, there is a building of some sorts to our left."

O’Neill gave her a smile. " So there is." He resolutely hitched his pack higher on his shoulders. " Come on kids, the changing rooms are that way."

A puzzled Teal’c stopped Carter.

"Surely O’Neill does not intend to immerse his body in water?"

She grinned. Sometimes Teal’c could be so literal.

" No, don’t worry. He’s just in a good mood, and this place does look like a holiday place..."

Teal’c managed to look miserable.

" For you perhaps.. Jaffa do not like sand. It tends to get into our pouches. Already my symbiont is agitated, and I agree. This is no place for us."

O’Neill had overheard.

" Huh! Speak for yourself."

He took a deep breath and spun in a circle.

"I would really like to come back here someday. This place is a prime holiday spot for me from now on."

A bunged up Daniel decided to burst his bubble.

" If this is such a wonderful place, then where is everyone? I would have thought the beach would have been packed."

Jack’s smile faded a little.

" Yeah, it is strange."

His smile returned to full wattage.

" Maybe they’ve all gone to partake of the galaxy famous P..." He looked at Carter, eyes twinkling. "What’s this place called?"

She sighed theatrically.

"PC5 9XL."

" Yeah, maybe they’ve gone on the galaxy famous PC5 9XL beach marathon."

He pointed at the structure they were walking towards.

"I bet ya inside there you’ll find a note saying ‘ Back in two hours, make yourself at home’ "

Daniel just sniffled miserably, making Jack’s happy mood deflate somewhat. The poor man really did look sick, his allergies having sat up and taken notice in a big way. He patted Daniel’s shoulder.

" Hey, when we get inside, take your anti-histamine tablets, OK?"

Daniel nodded. " Count on it."

Sniffing, he bent down to enter the low door of the structure, only to have Jack immediatly yank him back outside.

" Hey, not funny."

But Jack wasn’t intending to be funny. His antennae had started twanging the minute they had bent down to enter the building, and he always listened to his antennae.

"Teal’c, Carter?"

They both nodded gravely.

" Something’s off." Sam voiced it for them.

O’Neill was immediately all business, the beach long forgotten.

"Carter, stay here with Daniel. Teal’c you go left, I’ll go right. We’ll meet here in ten." With that he melted into the darkness.

Major Samantha Carter sat down on the step next to Daniel, who was rummaging in his pack for something.

She smiled as she heard the distinctive hiss of an inhaler, at least that was Daniel taken care of.

Then her smile faded. This place felt like a crypt. Surreptitiously she shifted her C 90 on her lap, peering intently into the darkness.

Jack O’Neill knew how she felt. The very air seemed dead, a very disconcerting feeling. Crossing his wrists so that his Colt went wherever his torch did, he started to explore his surroundings. What he found made him gasp in amazement.

Teal’c was doing his own brand of investigating. Keeping his staff weapon at the ready, he lightly tiptoed deeper into the structure. He had refrained from telling O’Neill, but his symbiont was still agitated, and this was bothering him. He resolved to notify O’Neill of this as soon as the next opportunity arrived.

Minutes later he was relieved to see the glow of O’Neill’s torch, signifying that the structure held no hidden surprises. Hissing slightly so that his fellow warrior wouldn’t be startled, he went to join him.

" O’Neill. This is a planet of death."

The Tau’ri raised an eyebrow.

" Oh, and why is that?"

" My symbiont is agitated."

O’Neill frowned. "I thought that was because Junior didn’t like sand?"

Teal’c nodded soberly.

"At first I too thought that was the reason for the agitation, but it seems not to be the case."

O’Neill was still frowning. "And what is the case, do you know?"

Teal’c shook his head.

" I am sorry O’Neill. I do not."

Jack straightened, a decision made.

"OK, Teal’c. We’ll go back to the Stargate. This place, hell, this planet is seriously spooking me."

He sighed." Damn, I should of known that it was too good to be true."

Side by side they returned to Daniel and Carter.

" Come on kids. Time to go." Jack hesitated, looking at Daniel.

" Danny, there is one wall completely filled with what looks like hierographics, but it will have to wait for a later date OK?"

As expected, Daniel was shaking his head.

"Please Jack. Hieroglyphics are easy to read, and might tell us what’s wrong here."

He looked up from his step, an imploring expression on his face.

"Please."

Jack looked at Daniel for a moment wavering, noticing his watering eyes and pale skin. " I thought I told you to take your medicine?"

Daniel just looked even more miserable that he did before. " I did, but nothings working."

Carter nodded in confirmation.

Colonel O’Neill had had enough. This place was a bust. He could have continued with the exploration, but with Teal’c and now Daniel feeling sick, he decided that heading back to the stargate was justified.

His voice was soft. " No Daniel. Another time."

The man stubbornly shook his head.

" Jack please. I have a gut feeling too. And my gut feeling is telling me that the answer to whatever ails this planet is written on that wall."

Jack abruptly gave in.

" Ah what the hell. Ten minutes won’t kill us."

He stood back as Daniel scrambled to his feet, and then supported him when he swayed.

" Are you sure that you’re up to this?"

Daniel just shook his head.

"Not entirely, no."

Jack scowled.

" Carter, go with him."

She immediately got to her feet, the scientist in her pleased. Lucky break, she loved mysteries.

Jack O’Neill sat down on the vacated step, Teal’c hunched besides him.

He looked at his friend silently for a moment. " Teal’c can you hold out?"

The man just nodded silently, a sheen of sweat visible on his ebony face.

They spent the remainder of the ten minutes quietly, Jack content to let Teal’c rest. They might need him on the way back to the Stargate, although he devoutly hoped not.He was just about to draw his breath and call his missing team members when they fairly burst back into sight.

" Colonel, we must leave, now."

He had never seen both of them so upset. He held up his hands.

" Woah, what’s the problem?"

Sam turned her pale face to Daniel, allowing him to speak.

" Contagion."

Jack was slow on the uptake. "Con…. What?"

Teal’c answered for them, his voice dark. "Death."

It was Carter who finally spelt it out.

" Sir, Daniel found out the reason why the place felt dead. It’s because it is. As far as we can tell, not long ago the people of this planet successfully resisted a group of people with glowing eyes..."

He nodded.

" Oh yes Carter. Our friends the Gua’old."

She nodded. " Yes sir, the Gua’old. "

Daniel took over, his voice shaking.

" Well, who ever the Gua’old were, they weren’t too happy with the people of this planet, so they gave them a parting gift. A disease."

Colonel O’Neill raised an eyebrow. " How bad a disease?"

Daniel looked at his shoes. " A fatal disease," he mumbled.

There was silence for a moment, and then O’Neill stirred.

" Daniel, please, please, tell me that the people that inhabited this planet weren’t human."

Silence greeted his question.

" Danny..." Still nothing.

"Son of a bitch."

Seldom had Samantha Carter seen Colonel O’Neill look so upset. He just sat there, his face going a dark red color before fading to a gray white. The anger radiating off of him forcefully reminded her that he was second in command of a base where one or more people had screwed up, badly. His people, his base, and Colonel O’Neill didn’t tolerate screw-ups. Not at all.

She shuddered. Whoever made the mistake was in for a life of living hell.

Then he asked her a question in a deceptively soft voice.

"Major Carter, surely the MALP would have picked up on the contagion?"

She nodded.

" Yes sir, one would assume so."

Daniel leapt to his scientist friends’ defense.

" Maybe not, if the disease were small enough. Maybe they just didn’t see it."

Jack flashed stone cold eyes at him.

" Do you really think that is likely? "

Daniel was forced to shake his head. Loyalty only stretched so far.

"Now what?"

Jack looked at Daniel, sitting so miserably on the top step of this crypt.

"Now we go back to the stargate and tell General Hammond what has happened. He can send another MALP through and find us some answers."

Daniel looked mournful.

" Can’t we go home?"

Jack shook his head, looking at both Daniel and Teal’c.

" I’m sorry, but not yet."

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General Hammond was at his wits end, although he hid it well. Two hours ago his premier team had sent through a radio message saying that they had been in all likelihood been exposed to some sort of deadly disease on PC3 9XL. They had requested another MALP be sent through, on the assumption that the original survey had been faulty. This he had done, and the results were quite disturbing. The air was saturated with some sort of tiny airborne spore that according to Doctor Frasier attached itself to the lining of the trachea, causing flu-like symptoms that eventually led to death.

She was working on a cure now, and had given him her assurances that SG 1 could safely return to Earth, as long as a level 5 isolation be kept around them at all times. He had been overjoyed to relay the message to Colonel O’Neill, but now the man wasn’t responding to his hails. None of them were. He had wanted to send a team through to help them return to earth, assuming that they were too weak to do it on their own, but she had advised against it. The deadly planet was an unknown, the cure wasn’t ready, and she wasn’t going to risk any one else.

He had been trying every fifteen minutes for the last hour with no response and his heart was beginning to feel heavy. No one deserved to die on an alien planet, and it was looking likely that this what might have happened in this case.

He desolately clicked the switch one last time.

" SGC-CO to SG1, please respond..."

For a moment there was no response, then a faint raspy voice was heard.

" SG1 to SGC...CO." Hammond had no idea who the voice belonged to, and didn’t care.

He fairly yelled into the mike.

" SG1, come home."

He immediately made cutting motions to Simmonds, who obediently shut down the wormhole from their side. Now it was up to O’Neill and the rest of SG1.

Whilst he was waiting, he called down to Dr Frasier, requesting her isolation team meet SG1 in the gate room. Then he initiated a threshold situation, effectively sealing off the base.

Suddenly the chevrons began to thud into place.

" Incoming traveler...!

Simmonds looked up at Hammond, relief etched on his face.

" It’s SG1 sir."

Jack O’Neill had never felt so sick before in his life. One minute they were watching the MALP depart through their wormhole, hopefully with accurate information, the next minute he was lying on the sand, trying to cough his lungs out. They all were. Thankfully Teal’c had the presence of mind to deactivate the wormhole from their side, thus allowing a rescue squad through for them, if need be.

But none had come. He found himself drifting in and out of consciousness, his breath rasping in his chest.

He knew that the wormhole had been activated from Earths side and they were trying to tell him something important, but he couldn’t move. He coughed again, and tasted coppery blood.

Then a shadow fell over him, a shadow wearing the mark of Apothis. Teal’c. As gray faced as the others, he nevertheless managed to key his mike and respond.

" SG1 to SGC...CO."

Shaking, moaning, and shivering, Colonel Jack O’Neill then did the most difficult thing he had ever done in his life. He crawled past Teal’c to the DHD and shakily punched in the co-ordinates for Earth, making extra special care that he had them right. Then, with trembling hands, he keyed in their code.

Teal’c meanwhile had somehow managed to get the unconscious bodies of Daniel and Carter almost to the gate. There he had collapsed, his mouth ringed with blood. Jack then did the second hardest thing he had ever done in his life.

He painfully dragged himself up the steps and rolled the bodies of his friends through the stargate and home to earth. Once satisfied they had indeed gone, he crawled into the blue stargate himself without a backwards glance.

Janet Frasier was horrified when she saw what had become of SG1, but couldn’t dwell on it, not at all.

She was immediately caught up in lifting the still figures into the airtight containers, her fingers clumsy because of the thick gloves she was forced to wear. To add to her horror, Jack O’Neill was still conscious, his mouth and hands covered with his blood. He looked up vaguely at the white-clad people before his eyes rested on a tinier figure than most.

" Janet..." His voice was like a gossamer wind, causing her to blink back tears.

"Its OK Jack. We know what it is and we have a cure..."

But his eyes had closed and she wasn’t sure that he had heard.

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He first became aware of voices singing.

Well, he thought they were singing.

After a while they stopped, and he sunk back into unconsciousness.

Then, a while later the singing returned.

His brain wasn’t so foggy anymore and he became aware that only one voice was doing the singing this time.

He shuddered slightly. He could swear that Teal’c was singing some frothy country ditty in a deep rich baritone. Teal’c? The shock made him open his eyes a crack.

"Ah, O’Neill, you are awake. I will tell the others."

Jack was content to lie there for a while, mulling over what he had heard. For the life of him, it sounded just like a mangled version of a Garth Brooks song. Not that he would know for sure, he was definitely not a country fan.

Actually he hated it.

Listening to music in Italian had always been a big criterion for his enjoyment.

After a while he felt a tiny hand take his wrist in a strong grip and smiled.

" Hi Doc."

She smiled back at him.

" Hi yourself. How are you feeling?"

He frowned and shifted in bed.

" I seem to be OK. You tell me."

He felt her cool hand on his forehead.

"Almost better, thank God."

"Good".

He sighed and then snapped his eyes open.

"My team?"

Dr Frasier pushed her hand on his chest, forcing him back. "

They’re all fine. They were released yesterday..."

He looked up at her incredulously.

"Yesterday? Then why am I still here?"

She smiled and pulled no punches.

" Because you are older than the others, by at least ten to fifteen years. They are young, resilient, with youthful bodies. They take less time to recover."

She could see his mouth set into a thin line, and took pity on him. " Hey," she said softly, " you have fifteen years more toughness. If it wasn’t for that toughness, none of you would have survived."

She looked deep into his eyes and said softly. "I know that you are the one who pushed them back through the wormhole."

As expected, this brash human alley cat found everywhere else in the room to look apart from her.

Laughing she pushed herself back from his bed.

" Time to let the others and our new singer in."

Jack was left with wide eyes.

" Our what?"

The space round his bed was immediately filled with his relieved team, and his question went unanswered.

" Jack, Colonel, how are you doing?" He smiled up at their healthy faces, at peace again.

" I’m fine, now." He looked round the room for Dr Frasier, but she was nowhere to be found.

" Forgive me for asking, but what happened?"

Samantha Carter answered. "We were infected with a cold. A really nasty fast acting cold."

His face was a picture. " You have got to be kidding me."

Daniel answered. " Nope. The problem with this one was how fast it acted. Usually a cold takes at least three days to become a fully developed, and then it usually takes our immune system about three days thereafter to rid itself of it. In this case, we had a fully blown cold within hours. Our chest and lungs couldn’t take it. Thank God Janet saw what was happening and pumped us full of every cold medication she could think of."

Dr Frasier had somehow snuck up on them. " It was a bit more complicated than that. We needed to keep you breathing, and transfuse you all, even Teal’c, but luckily the cold wore itself out within a day."

Daniel was frowning ferociously. " I should have known that the common cold was a Gua’old invention, and if what we saw on PC5 9XL is the same thing, then it is still used as retribution by some System Lord or the other. I bet you that they left the common cold here as our punishment when they were kicked off of earth millennia ago. It’s only through time that the cold has become as benign as it is now. But still…It’s just sadistic enough for them to get enjoyment out of. And pretty much incurable to boot. All the affected person can do is wait in misery for it to finish."

Jack O’Neill pulled himself up into a sitting position.

" Well, thank goodness this particular strain has finished with us."

His eyes glittered.

" I have so much I want to find out about this mission..."

His voice trailed off as Janet raised her finger.

" Aww, c’mon Doc!"

She was adamant.

" Sorry. Twelve hours observation, and then you’re free to go."

She looked at his hopeless eyes and again took pity on him.

" Tell you what, Teal’c can help. He‘s been studying country and western music with Nurse George Michaelson for the past two days and I’m pleased to say that he had proven to be a natural."

Her eyes misted.

" He really has a beautiful voice."

She gestured to the man in question.

" Teal’c?"

Teal’c saw Major Carter and Dr Jackson jump to their feet, then subside again quietly. O’Neill smiled at him and nodded his head. His chest swelled. It was nice to have such good friends as these Tau’ri.

Sam almost gasped in pain as she leapt to her feet. Colonel Jack O’Neill had been lightening fast. Before she could even react, he had a tight grip on her wrist, effectively chaining her to his bed.

The set expression on Daniels face told her he had been treated in exactly the same way.

The Colonel’s voice was silky.

"Teal’c, please, we would love to hear what ever you know. Then maybe Nurse Michaelson can come and serenade us as well."

Sam saw the Colonel’s face fold into a petulant expression.

" If I can’t go anywhere, than my team can’t go anywhere either. Soo..."

He treated them both with a dark glance, " Seeing as I am stuck here with two great budding singers from Nashville, we will all listen, and enjoy...and that’s an order."

He smiled evilly as he saw both Carter and Daniel slump back on his bed. This was going to be a long night, but with his team around him, they would once again survive.

Even this.....

*einde*

<beta tested by CIGIK>

*****Reader's RAVES*****

Dear 'Biltong'

Just wanted to drop you a quick line to say how much I enjoyed the above
story. I'm a real Jack-a-holic and nothing makes a better night time story
than a good old piece of Jack whumping and you've got it in spades, girl!

Wonderful stories, full of character, all those problems for the poor old
Colonel and right up my street. Thanks very much for the entertainment, I'm
off to read them again!

Best Wishes
Elizabeth
Wiltshire, England
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