"…And we’ll be back in time for tonight’s pizza evening, so General Hammond insists."

Colonel Jack O’Neill caught his balance as the wormhole spat him and his team out, casually stowing the skin of the banana he was eating into his pocket.

" Hopefully you’re right Carter," he mumbled, his mouth full. "Tonight the Colorado Avalanche are playing…ugh."

" Holy crap," Daniel whispered, clapping his hand to his mouth. "What is that smell? I think I’m gonna puke."

Jack O’Neill looked at SG1’s linguist, his own eyes watering in sympathy.

He would dearly love to know that as well.

He turned to the scientist in their group, the light from the still active wormhole silvering her blonde hair.

" Carter?" he enquired, feeling the banana sour in his stomach.

" Make it quick, before I hurl all over your boots."

" I dunno sir, she said, taking a smart step backwards from her distinctly green looking C.O.

She knew her answer wasn’t what the guys wanted to hear, but she really hadn’t a clue.

She watched as the wormhole closed with a snap, throwing them into reddish darkness.

" I can tell you this, whatever this smell is, it wasn’t present a couple of hours ago when the UAV was still giving out readings."

" Could it be dangerous?" O’Neill asked, his face suddenly thoughtful.

She shook her head, looking around the inhospitable landscape, feeling faint in the humidity escaping from the steaming vents of tar in the far distance.

" Hopefully not sir," she said eventually, trying to breathe in as lightly as she could.

As they watched, she took an air sample, looking intrigued.

" As far as I can tell, it is just a sulphur based smell, totally harmless to humans…and Jaffa."

Teal’c bent his head at his inclusion, looking serene. Unlike the others, the bad smell didn’t affect him. In fact, if it weren’t for the acrid smoke that accompanied the smell, he would have found it quite pleasant.

" You sure about that?" O’Neill asked doubtfully, pressing a wadded up military issue bandana under his nose.

She shook her head. " No sir, I’m not. Not without a thorough analysis."

" Wonderful," O’Neill said, slowly turning a three-sixty.

" I don’t think so," Daniel said miserably. " Not at all."

"I was being sarcastic," Jack muttered, wondering why he was bothering to explain. Surely Daniel knew him by now?

" Oh, excuse me," Daniel muttered, and promptly sat down on his pack.

Jack ignored him staring out of what looked like something from hell.

Something bad had happened to this planet in the not so distant past. The brains said a meteorite, tearing through the atmosphere before it eventually hit the sun, leaving behind a dead planet, and an eerie twilight.

Jack prayed that the survivors had made it through the stargate to somewhere safe.

" Nobody deserves to be on this hell-hole longer that necessary," he muttered, receiving agreeing nods from his team.

" Let’s get the crashed UAV and get the hell out of Dodge before we breathe in too much of this stuff, okay?"

Carter stiffened at the mention of their original reason for visiting PB9 17M in the first place, the crashed UAV.

" Yessir," she muttered. " It crashed about ten clicks thataway." She pointed with her hand towards the steaming vents.

" Ten clicks?" O’Neill asked, his eyebrow raised. "And thataway? That’s hardly the exact science I am used to hearing from you."

She giggled lightly. " Sorry sir, but it is…thataway."

Frowning slightly, O’Neill led his team in the direction she indicated, slipping occasionally in the black slime that seemed to coat the ground.

" What is this stuff?" he muttered.

" Tar, sir," Carter said. " The UAV definitely picked up on that before it crashed."

" It is sticking to my boots," Daniel said miserably from somewhere behind him. " Why couldn’t Hammond have sent in another team? Why do we get all the crap assignments?"

O’Neill tossed the linguist a quick glance over his shoulder, noticing his thunderous expression. Whilst privately he agreed, now was neither the time nor the place for whining. Besides…

" That is General Hammond to you, and he did not give us a crap assignment. The UAV picked up no indications of anything sinister at all before it crashed. The fissures in the ground opened since that time, remember?"

" And the tar?" Daniel asked furiously. " We are the SGC’s premier first contact team. This mission should have been given to some other team, not us."

" Daniel Jackson, arrogance is not something that you have been known to display before," Teal’c’s gentle voice said. "To hear you succumb to it now…disturbs me."

" Tough," Daniel snapped, making Jack stop dead.

" Danny," he said turning to the scowling man. " All we need to do is fetch the UAV, and return to the SGC. It is not a case of premier team, and who gets what assignment. We do what is asked of us, and that’s that."

" Yessir," Daniel said with such a lack of emotion on his face that O’Neill began to worry.

" You okay Daniel?" he asked gently.

"Peachy Jack," Daniel snapped angrily, brushing rudely passed him. "Let’s get this over with, so I can get back to my office and do some real work.

O’Neill traded a dark look with Teal’c. This behavior was so unlike the Daniel they knew, and a cause for real concern.

"Carter, you okay?" he asked of the blonde scientist. If she wasn’t…

"Fine sir," she said in a light voice. "I’m keeping an eye out just in case we meet any life forms."

‘ Is that likely?" Jack asked, surprised. " I thought the UAV…"

" Didn’t find any Tartians." She turned at him, grinning at her own joke. "I know. Still, we can only hope."

"We can only but hope?" Jack blinked at her, incredulous. "Which is it Carter? Is there life here, or not?"

She didn’t answer him, merely jumping over the steaming vents with a giggle.

" Okay, That’s it," Jack said, turning on his heel, his patience finally breaking. "We are going home, right now."

" But the UAV s right there," Carter said in a miserable voice, pointing at something silver in the far distance. " Aw, come on sir."

Jack had had enough. His gut told him that there was something seriously wrong with his team, and he always listened to his gut.

" Forget it. We’re going home."

He turned to Teal’c. " Lead the way."

The tall Jaffa inclined his head. " If you wish."

Jack traded a serious look with him. "I wish."

" Well, I don’t," Daniel said in a cool voice. The flat crack of a Beretta and Teal’c’s startled expression came almost at once.

Jack watched, horrified, as the Teal’c collapsed in front of him, his shirtfront full of blood.

" Daniel?"

There was no doubt who had fired the shot.

There was only one member of SG 1 who carried a Berretta...

" Daniel?"

He turned slowly to face the man, his hands well away from his P90.

Daniel’s expression was like granite, the Beretta pointed unwaveringly at his middle.

" I have no wish to return to the SGC, he said calmly. "Neither does Sam."

To his horror, Carter walked up behind him and removed his weapons and backpack.

" And if you really listen, neither do you," Daniel continued, sharing a secret smile with Carter.

Jack hadn’t reached his age by being stupid. A plan was needed, and quick.

" You’re right," he sighed, dropping to one knee in surrender. "Why am I fighting it?"

"I dunno," Carter said with a giggle. She stood in front of him and cupped his chin, staring into his eyes. "Now we can…"

He didn’t allow her to finish.

" Sorry Sam," he murmured, and tossed the globule of tar he had managed to scoop up straight into her face, wincing at her scream of agony. Whilst she was still of balance, he pushed her into Daniel, and turned tail.

He needed to get back to the stargate and report to the SGC, pronto. Teal’c’s life depended on it, if not his own.

He grinned humorlessly as a bullet sent up a gout of tar just in front of his flying feet, praying like hell that Daniel hadn’t been practicing recently. The stargate was in sight. He just needed a couple more minutes…

He leapt at the DHD, frantically entering the coordinates for home, breathing a sigh of relief as all the glyphs lit up. Great, now all he needed to do was…

Thwack. Thwack-thwack.

Suddenly he was looking up at smoke filled sky, hearing the wormhole rush out and stabilize somewhere nearby.

Damn, he had been so close.

No, he was not finished yet.

Breathing hard against the pain, he clicked on his radio.

" Base, mayday, this is Sierra Golf one-one. Team compromised. Warning, gas. Team homicidal. Medical help need…"

He never even saw Daniel’s booted foot.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"He will be conscious soon," a soft familiar voice said. " Be patient Daniel."

" I can’t," Daniel’s equally as soft voice replied. " Hell, I almost killed him. I must be on hand when he wakes, just so I can apologize."

" Ap..apology accepted," Jack said shakily, looking up at an entirely different view than last time. Gone was the smoke and pain, replaced with bright like and a delicious fuzziness.

" Jack?"

" Dniel? Wha..appened?"

" I shot you. Remember?" Daniel said, coming into view as he electronically lifted the head of the bed.

" Oh ya. Why?"

The concerned face of Dr Janet Fraiser came into view, making a note on the clipboard attached to the bottom of his bed.

" They were affected with a hallucinogenic drug, Colonel."

" Um. Me?"

" You ate a banana just before you left, Colonel," she said softly. You didn’t know it at the time, but that was the best thing you could have done. The potassium in the banana combated the hallucinigen."

That was a bit too much information for him to take in one go, so he contented himself with merely blinking at her sleepily.

" Teal’c?" he was getting more coherent, thankfully.

Her smile was radiant. "He’s right here, sir."

Teal’c and a contrite Carter came into view, and Jack relaxed.

" All…okay?" he asked.

" All except you," Carter said softly, her blue eyes hooded. "Sir, I’m so sorry," she said.

Jack blinked. " You too?" he asked.

She nodded, her eyes swimming in remorse. "You were shot three times. The first shot was Daniel’s. The other two were mine."

" I’m pissed off," he muttered.

" I don’t blame you," she said hanging her head. " All I can say is…I’m sorry."

" You better be," he said, looking angrily. "I should be dead by now."

Two pairs of blue eyes looked at him, startled. " Huh?"

" I thought that I had trained you better than that," he said sadly. "Obviously not, so there is only one thing for it - a week at the firing range until we regain our marksman ratings."

" Sorry Jack," Daniel said snidely as Doc Fraiser herded them towards the door. " I’ll try to be more accurate next time."

So drugged was he that it wasn't until two hours later that Dr Janet Fraiser heard an outraged bellow from the Colonel’s bed......

" Daniel!!!"

*EINDE

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