CIRCUMSTANCE - By Biltong

Dammit, I hurt.

It hurts to breathe, to move. I know that I have to, that somehow our situation is grim, its just that, God, I hurt so much. I slowly become aware of muffled explosions, the smell of cordite in the air. What the hell happened? I can’t remember too well.

Oh, yes. The tree planet. God I hate trees. People hide behind trees. Like a regiment of Jaffa.

Jaffa.

Shit.

I try to reach for my weapon but my arm just flops around and I know that it is broken. 

Again.

Shakily I crawl to my knees, only to have a friendly brown hand push me down.

Teal’c. I feel his hands on me, gently probing, feeling for more injuries. I try to help, but am unable to.

His eyes are bright in the hard light of this tree planet. Not for the first time do I think that he is really enjoying himself. Strange, finding enjoyment in a firefight. Deep down I know how he feels. It is the only time when I feel truly alive. Wouldn’t help to mention this little pleasure aloud though. General Hammond would cart me off to that evil shrink Mackenzie before I could say ‘snakehead’, and Mackenzie would really enjoy screwing up what was left of me.

Dammit. I hurt.

I become aware of the concussions around me again. Stay focused O’Neill. Your team needs you.

Teal’c needs you.

He grins as his staff weapon discharges. Briefly our eyes meet, warrior to warrior. He is my friend, my brother. I reach for my weapon with my left hand. Again he stops me. He is trying to tell me something. His lips are moving, but I can’t understand what he is saying. He shifts his weight slightly and I am instantly aware that he is kneeling on me. Kneeling on me and pressing a bloody gauze pad into my side.

My brother is keeping me alive.

If circumstances were different, he would be fighting with the Jaffa, and I would be dead.

Circumstance. It all boils down to that one word.

If I hadn’t got into trouble I would never have joined the Air Force. If I hadn’t gone out that day I would have never have met Sara, had Charlie. If I hadn’t been good at what I do, I would never have been sent to Iraq, to Abydos. And If I hadn’t changed my mind on Abydos, Daniel would never had survived.

Daniel. Oh shit. Where was Daniel.

I crain my neck, frantic, only to see a pair of scuffed boots crouched next to me. Daniels boots. No matter how many times I have told him that they need to be buffed everyday, he doesn’t bother. I am a Colonel Goddammit, not used to being disobeyed. But he does it all the time. I don’t hold it against him.

Once I almost got him killed. Again it was the right set of circumstances that brought him to become my best friend. I reach out with my good hand and tap the toe of his boot.

I am instantly rewarded with a brief view of blue eyes stuck behind thick glasses. The light brown shaggy hair completes the total academic look. This look clashes with the mean artillery he carries, and uses.

Four years of different planets have changed him, made him more aware. Four years of this have matured him. Aged him. Given him ghosts.

Would I have done it again under the circumstances, had I known then what I knew now?

Hell yes. SG1 needs Daniel Jackson. I would have done it again in an instant.

He reaches down, pats my shoulder. I try not to scream aloud at the pain he unknowingly causes.

Typical Daniel Jackson.

Dammit, I hurt.

Suddenly a cool hand brushes my forehead.

Suddenly?

How did it get so dark?

I look up at the sky, so peaceful. Not one constellation I recognize. I imagine one of the stars is Earth, and a rush of homesickness washes over me.

"Sir? Can you hear me?"

Carter. She sounds worried. I must be in poor shape. Somehow this doesn’t seem to matter. I silence the tiny part of me that is screaming defiance. I have fought too many battles on too many worlds.

Now I don’t care. I-just-don’t-care. No longer.

"He’s hurt badly. Teal’c, Daniel, we must get the gate open, as quick as we can."

Her voice is like an angel, reminding me of things I can never feel, but feel regardless.

If only..

But circumstance said otherwise.

I draw in a deep breath with a shudder.

And the world snaps into focus, whatever this world is.

" Major, report." My voice is weak.

She stiffens. "Sir, we have driven back the Jaffa for the moment, but.."

Her eyes meet mine and I see fear there. Fear?

" We must get you home as fast as possible."

Ah, the fear is for me.

I try to reach out to her, can’t, and use my voice instead.

"It’s OK Carter. I’ll be fine."

She nods, not believing me but willing to go along with the lie.

I jump slightly as Teal’c returns from where ever he has been in a shower of small pebbles.

He seems pleased to see me awake, but with Teal’c it’s hard to tell.

Maybe he can answer the burning question.

"Teal’c, what happened?"

Both of their heads whip around and stare at me.

"You don’t remember?"

I decide that a little scarcasm is justified.

"If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking now, would I?"

My Irish grandmother would be proud.

Teal’c hunkered down next to me and educated me in that rich deep voice that all the people of Chulak seem to have.

" O’Neill, we were ambushed as we came through the stargate."

" The MALP didn’t pick the Jaffa up." Sam chipped in.

Teal’c rocked gently on his heels, seemingly in agreement

" You saw them and reacted accordingly, throwing Danieljackson to the ground.

Unfortunately. This left yourself exposed, something which the Jaffa were quick to take advantage of.

"You were shot," Carter said, "In the chest."

Teal’c stood in a crouch and surveyed the landscape.

" Come we must move."

Carter yelped in protest as I was scooped up into his arms, like a large goddamn baby. I would have protested as well, but was having a hard time catching my breath. Again.

Dr Frasier is going to have my name engraved on one of her beds, mark my words.

Dammit, I hurt.

My team, my friends, carry me to the Stargate as Daniel presses the last chevron. I look closely at them in the clear blue light from the wormhole.

Daniel, Carter, Teal’c.

SG1, my team.

We are all here due to circumstance, something beyond any of our control.

As I am helped through the iciness of the gate, I say a prayer of thanks.

*Einde*

Beta Tested by CiGiK